Haterade
CategorySanta’s Eight Little Reindeer, Ranked from My Least to Most Favorite, Sorta
8. Cupid or Custer or Some Shit Like That: You know who I’m talking about. The one between Comet and Donner in the song. Is it Cupid? ..
Dear Generation Y Bride
I’m super psyched to be a part of your big day. Technically, we’ve only met twice, but as the fiancé of my roommate’s boyfriend’s step..
Shut the Hell Up About How Stupid Black Friday Is
I am not at a store right now. I have not been at a store at any time today, and I do not intend to visit any store today—except maybe for..
The Professional Shit-Train That Is the Starbucks Card eGift
So you want a quick and fun way to say “hey good to hear from you again” to that girl who disappeared off the face of the Earth for two da..
A Guide to Ironically Seeing the New Twilight Movie
1. Publicize
Make your future venture to see the new Twilight movie a public one. Ask people on Twitter to come see it with you. Wr..
Why the Myers-Briggs Personality Test is Kind of Pointless
I never remember my Myers-Briggs score. For a long time I assumed that this was because I was usually 55/45 on all the charts, and I..
In Defense of Instagram
Real photographers hate Instagram.
“Oh great, let’s give the pedestrian masses a bunch of hipsterish faux-Holga filters to make the..
How I’ve Effectively Managed to Blow Halloween in the Past: A Timeline
1989: My best friend and I went as Ghostbusters. His Proton Pack was purchased from Shopko and looked real. My Proton Pack was made by my ..
Word Games Were Invented to Humiliate Me
In Christian theology, Purgatory is a place of penance, a pre-Heaven zone where the souls of the departed have to wait and spend time repe..
Why I Became A Scientologist
Scientology is in the news again, kinda! What would it take for me to become a Scientologist? You’d first have to remove part of my br..
Schedule of Events for Abercrombicon
10 a.m. – Casual Scarf Wrapping 101
Learn how to drape your scarf over your hoodie and under your peacoat in a way that says, “I’m..
I Hate Greeting Cards
My family has learned to expect the bitter disappointment of not receiving a greeting card from me at every holiday/ birthday/ major l..