Category: Music/Snacks
-
First Draft of Jason Derulo’s “Want To Want Me”
(Intro music) (Derulo…) It’s so hard to sleep I, Jason Derulo, got the sheets on the floor Listen to me, I’m Jason Derulo, And I, meaning me, Jason Derulo, can’t take it no more It’s a hundred degrees I, Jason Derulo, got one foot out the door Where are the keys that belong to Jason…
-
An Out-of-Touch Person’s Observations at the Vans Warped Tour
I went to the Vans Warped Tour today to hang out with my boyfriend, whose band Koo Koo Kanga Roo has been along for the whole ride. I’ve never been to Warped before, despite the fact that I have generally always liked Vans shoes and music that makes mom mad. For whatever reason, I missed…
-
What It’s Actually Like to Karaoke Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
Every one of us, at some point, comes to the conclusion that it is a good idea to karaoke Bonnie Tyler’s seminal hit “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Every one of us is, objectively, wrong. Unless you happen to be Bonnie Tyler herself, or at least a Welsh woman who’s been a smoker since she…
-
How the Replacements reunion made me feel like I finally belong to my generation
I was raised in a strict, Evangelical Christian home where rock and roll was the Devil’s music and my parents fought over having a television in our home. My mother’s church also had a church-school and I attended this school, K-12. One of the consequences of being raised in a walled-off environment is I have…
-
What Meat Loaf Won’t Do for Love (And Why It’s Creepy)
Any time a drunk moron is sloshing a bottle of Bud Lite around while gesticulating wildly at a karaoke bar, s/he is probably doing so because they’re five minutes into a diatribe that goes something like this: Meat Loaf is like, he’s like, he’d do ANYTHING for love, anything. He’d run right into hell and…
-
More Details About The (Still Mysterious) Minneapolis Taco Delivery Service Taco Cat
This week in Minneapolis-is-kinda-Portlandia-ish news, word started spreading about a new bike delivery taco company called Taco Cat (get it? It’s a palindrome.). Because they are basically shrouded in mystery, I reached out to one of their leaders, who prefers to go by “Church,” for more details. (Note: he preferred his name not be shared.…
-
Top Five Signs That Macklemore Is Being Held Hostage by the Illuminati
The annual Grammy Award Ceremony is an exciting event in which industry movers and shakers get together to enjoy performances by the year’s biggest acts and honor outstanding achievements in the field of music. At least, that’s what they want you to believe. In reality, of course, it’s an excuse for the shadowy elites who run…
-
New Kids on the Block: The Best Quotes From Their 1989 Group Biography
“The demand for them in Japan is so great, the Kids were flown there for the sole purpose of meeting fans, giving interviews to magazines and the country’s MTV, performing on the popular Japanese TV show Funky Tomato, and posing for photographs.” “Over 100,000 phone calls per week flood the New Kids 900 number. Associated Press…
-
Which “Please Come Home for Christmas” is For You?
The Eagles, 1978 I don’t know what it’s like to date models. I don’t know what it’s like to live in California in the 1970s and play in a rock band. In other words, I don’t know what a pain it is to be Don Henley. But now I get it. I GET IT because…
-
Chumbawamba: Where Are They Now?
Boff Whalley—vocals, guitar, ukulele and clarinet. Forming the anarchist pop act Chumbawamba from his former band Chimp Eats Banana, Whalley went on to marry an American photographer and has been prominent in “fell running” (i.e., white people in fancy cross-trainers running across mountains), proving quite literally that a man can get back up again even…
-
I Tried Out to be the Lead Singer of a Prog Rock Band
People often mistake me for a musician. It’s probably because I’m tall and thin, and have the dark hair/blues eyes combo that makes me look more serious and intelligent than I actually am. Baristas, old guys in thrift shops, and even weirdos on the street are prone to approaching me with the same question loaded…
-
What It Means to Be a Person Who Can’t Sing In Tune
People who can sing well think that you’re always joking about not being able to sing. Those who were born with the ability to effortlessly hit notes can have a difficult time understanding that you can’t—not won’t, but actually can’t. This means that when you try to sing and your best attempts get you nowhere near the…