Ok, let’s start with the obvious.
You can see them from all angles on TV before you go to the trouble of meeting them, so you know what you’re getting into. Even the less hot ones are still ugly-hot. At the very least, they’re in good shape and can protect you from physical danger. That’s something, right?
They travel a lot, so you get to hang out in their fancy condo by yourself.
Great if you’re someone who needs a lot of alone time, or have any amount of Sagittarius in your chart so you feel smothered easily (personally, I’m both).
…and presumably not great at managing their finances. Do I have any concrete evidence of this? No, but I’m pretty sure you don’t get to be both hot and good at keeping track of your money, you have to pick one. Consider, for example, me: very beautiful, very deep in credit card debt. It’ll probably be pretty easy to convince your new boo to spot you some money so you can start a rich people business endeavor like opening a wine bar or Air BnB-ing out your vacation homes. Make sure he tags you on Instagram so you can rack your followers up and push teeth whiteners and hair growth vitamins on the side.
They’ll definitely cheat on you.
This might sound like a bad thing, but stick with me here. With most regular men, there’s approximately a 78% chance they’ll cheat on you. It’s stressful trying to figure it out and it’s frustrating if you guess wrong. You don’t wanna be loyal to a cheater and you don’t wanna cheat on someone loyal! At least you’d know — you got that whole hurdle out of the way! When you know he’ll cheat, you can just reach an understanding and mutually cheat on each other and live happily ever after.
Extreme height differences are really cute.
Athletes are legally required to be over 6’5″, right? I have never actually watched a sport after any fewer than seven drinks so maybe that’s not right, who knows. Maybe this one is specific to me, as someone who is five feet tall.
Which brings me to my conclusion. Are any professional athletes reading this? Preferably NBA or NFL, but I guess I could learn to love soccer or hockey or whatever other sports there are. I’m cute, chill, great home maker (Taurus with a Virgo rising), good with moms and kids, have been told I “look like an athlete’s girlfriend” (no, seriously, that happened). Where are yall? Please contact me. You can find me on the internet, or in Chicago. Willing to relocate.