How to Make an Old Fashioned Wrong
- Desire a drink. Something with whiskey or one of those other names for whiskey that you still don’t quite know what they mean, like bourbon or scotch. It should also have something in it that makes it not just straight booze, like ice, bitters, syrup or … somehow, bacon.
- Try to remember the difference between an old fashioned and a Manhattan for awhile. One seems like it has more ice. One seems like it was what Don Draper ordered when he wasn’t licking vodka off of a random woman’s lapel.
- Look up “old fashioned recipe” on Pinterest. There are 1 bajillion options. Feel as if Esquire has published “The Only Old Fashioned a Man Needs to Drink” at least 12 times. You’re not a man, but pursue this anyway.
- Stitch together your own recipe combining steps that seem easy from the 40 recipes you looked at. Go to the store and get an orange, from which to extract an orange peel. Buy angostura bitters and swear you won’t let them hide in the back of your fridge for six years this time.
- Spend seven days on Amazon researching shakers. Buy a comically large ice cube tray.
- Follow your recipe in a manner that allows you to shake your new shaker as much as possible. What’s in there gets really cold! Strain your cocktail into a glass over a huge ice cube, and add a cherry and an orange peel.
- Do this 12 or 13 times over the next several months while still being unsure if this is an old fashioned, a Manhattan or something altogether inferior to both. Cheers!