is it possible that i have PTSD from being birthed

— Mira Gonzalez (@miragonz) November 28, 2013

long weekend! time to relax! but not really because anxiety is 24/7.

— Leah Garås (@leahgaraas) November 28, 2013

drive like a 75-year-old, dream like a 12-year-old, fuck like a 20-year-old

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) November 27, 2013

Favoriting a tweet is like saying i fucks with you….but on the low though.

— WayneWonder (@VinnyTheHero) November 21, 2013

sex is like a fart in the sense that it’s repulsive unless it’s your own

— annabelle (@annabelle_nyst) November 20, 2013

I’m smoking while eating a cronut am I going to oh god my heart jesus take the wheel

— Choire (@Choire) November 20, 2013

Jealous of the innocents who I guess have not heard of publicists and think People’s Sexiest are chosen in some general election they forgot

— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) November 20, 2013

Left a couple butthole bleaching pamphlets around the house, hoping my cat will take the hint.

— Amber (@Amburglar_) November 18, 2013

whenever i get a bunch of favs but no RTs it feels like the scene where big wouldn’t introduce carrie to his mother at church

— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) November 18, 2013

fridge has a light in it freezer doesnt make u think

— richard h dawkins (@RlCHARDDAWKlNS) November 3, 2013

Sucks there’s no Shazam for people.

— Bridey Elliott (@brideylee) November 3, 2013

– Compiled by @JayGabler