Fred’s wife

Mrs. Cratchit has good reason for being crabby about Scrooge: he’s abusing her husband and starving her family. Fred’s wife, though, just sits around dissing on Scrooge for no reason other than his refusal to come play her stupid parlor games. In high school, she was totally a mean girl.

Fezziwig

He’s a “cool boss,” but just because Fezziwig’s fat himself, that doesn’t make it okay for him to constantly be making cracks about his wife’s tendency to overeat. She puts on a good face and giggles for her husband’s employees, but she probably cries alone in a separate bedroom while her husband tries to sleep off his bender, loudly struggling with undiagnosed apnea.

Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

Doesn’t talk, doesn’t show his face, doesn’t do jack squat except look creepy and point. In fairness, though, Scrooge is remarkably dense about the fact that his bedclothes are being sold, and those are his friends talking shit about him, and…what?! That couldn’t be…the name on that tombstone…whoa, whoa, whoa! So I guess it’s understandable that the ghost is a little bitchy about his appointed task.

Tiny Tim

Everyone thinks he’s a total saint basically just because he’s cute and alive. Who’s Daddy’s favorite? Tim! Who’s going to lead us in prayer? How about…Tim?! After dinner, who’s going to take a big solo before anyone else is allowed to sing carols? Shut up, everyone, it’s Tim time! Sure, the family’s youngest could stand to have better health care, but that awkward older brother is going to need decades of therapy.

Topper

The life of the party, that Topper! Never mind that he cheats at the blindfold game so he can grope all the ladies and generally acts like a total lech…can’t have a party without Topper! [shudder]

– Jay Gabler