Hangovers, am I right? Who woulda thunk that abusing a depressant in pursuit of happiness would make you feel so crappy?

— Natalie Shure (@natalieshure) March 27, 2013

The reason I hate LinkedIn is super-closely tied to my belief that they invented the worst unholiday ever: the Work Anniversary.

— Kate Petersen (@KateLPetersen) March 25, 2013

PUSH BY SAPPHIRE NOTIFICATIONS

— ΞMiLY (@TEENSLUT666) March 25, 2013

tonight when you get home from the bars look at my Facebook pix you might wanna marry me for a few minutes

— Carrie Wittmer (@carriesnotscary) March 31, 2013

parked illegally making my parents proud

— ameel (@poolpaarty) March 30, 2013

herpes: it’s like a Bon Jovi concert in your underpants

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 29, 2013

It’s great to be alive, but I’m open to exploring other options

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 29, 2013

RIP seems like a nice sentiment for the living… like itd be nice to hear that when im stressed or something

— Maggie Lee (@maggie44) March 28, 2013

But if you’re looking for “kill yourself in the basement of an urban outfitters” music, Joanna Newsom Pandora all day.

— Claire de Lune (@ClaireMPLS) March 27, 2013

I just sorta feel like I’ve been favorited my whole life and I guess I’m ready to be retweeted

— Natalie Shure (@natalieshure) March 26, 2013

– Compiled by @JayGabler