You twist both cookie halves until the “Oreo” printed on each side lines up exactly before you can eat it: Woody Allen movies.

You eat them with Cool Ranch Doritos and Mountain Dew: Pineapple Express, Grandma’s Boy, Evil Bong, documentaries about tigers, sharks, or “animals…nature…that kind of shit.”

You drop them in milk, letting them disintegrate and coat the bottom of your glass in amoebic shapes: The Tree of Life, Koyaanisqati.

You twist them in half, lick out all the cream, and then throw the remaining cookie halves away: Only movies starring Adam Sandler or Sandra Bullock.

You eat them by the row: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy: Extended Editions.

You twist and remove one cookie half from three Oreos and then stack them on top of one full Oreo creating an Oreo tower with alternating layers of cookie and cream: The Human Centipede (First Sequence), The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence).

You eat them deep-fried and topped with powdered sugar and chocolate syrup: Definitely nothing with subtitles.

You crush them and mix them in a bowl of cookies-n-cream ice cream (because there is too much vanilla ice cream and never enough cookies): How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Love Actually, Valentine’s Day.

You don’t eat Oreos: You never see movies—you only watch “films.”

You twist one cookie half off of two Double Stuf Oreos and combine the remainders to become a “Quadruple Stuf”: South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut.

You eat them as a meal because you couldn’t find anything else to eat in your fridge or cupboards that sounded good: Whatever movie you can find on TV. Maybe The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift or The Substitute 3: Winner Takes All starring Treat Williams.

– Dan Fleischhacker

Photo by Brant and Kari Weaver (Creative Commons)