Things You Do in Purgatory That Make You Have to Stay Even Longer in Purgatory
Asking Virgil to take your picture in front of the Flames of Lust.
Telling the people who’ve had their eyes sewn shut for the sin of envy that it’s just like in Saw IV.
Telling everyone you’re in Purgatory for masturbating too much when actually you know it’s because you accepted a blow job from your coworker at your bachelor party.
Trying to get the people in Heaven to throw down a beer from the cooler.
Yelling global warming jokes down at the people in Hell.
Telling John Denver that you’d totally forgot he was dead.
Smoking.
Calling them “pagan babies.” (The politically correct term is “unaffiliated infants.”)
Calling dibs on that hot coed at Bob Jones University if she blows her virginity pledge and ends up in Purgatory.
Asking God how much longer you have to stay in Purgatory.