Developing pointy fingertips: Once our fingertips narrow to pen-like points, we shall conquer touch screen interfaces. iPhones can get tinier and even more stupid to type on, but no big deal, we have lightning-fast fingers honed to nail every letter, no matter how drunk we are. I haven’t even talked about the pretty drawings we can make – watch out Brushes app! This is clearly what Steve Jobs has been waiting for.

Turning the appendix into a second liver: Let’s get that lazy-ass, pointless organ working. I’m kind of seeing this being a system where one liver gets tired out and the other one takes over, and they switch every two weeks. Our great-great grandchildren will be able to drink us under the table.

Somehow getting Wi-Fi and cloud storage into our brains: So maybe some kind of frequency will be detectable by the brain that can translate thought to binary code, or something sci-fi like that. (I’m really just half-assing this here.) But once our brains are connected to the Internet, we won’t need school; Wikipedia will have become a part of us. Plus we can store all our memories and access them whenever we want. Read M.T. Anderson’s “Feed,” which I kind of ripped this idea off of.

The brain will naturally produce Adderall: Adderall makes you superhuman. Your memory becomes sharper, you can stay up super late and diabetes-causing foods lose all their allure. Best of all, future people will rock at focusing on all the fun, attention-span destroying tech toys to come.

Faces, breasts and lips will have small zippers around the edges: That way women can just drop in silicone and botox as needed. Just kidding.

–Becky Lang

Photo by ::: Radar Communication :::