I didn’t ask to be the only breakfast sandwich with a delicious pocket
of maple syrup, you know. I just wanted to blend in. Keep my head
down. I thought I’d get a nice job, find a nice side dish and settle
down in the suburbs.
People call me a temptress. You think this is my fault? You think I
asked to be so delicious? Oh let me guess I just went into the kitchen
and willed myself into existence right? Did God give you a say in your
I guess I’ve always been ostracized. Middle school was the worst. Most
of the other sandwiches didn’t even have sausage patties then. Of
course the boys always loved me. The girls never forgot it. They made
my life miserable. I didn’t care about the attention, not any of it
but everyday I had to hear about how I belonged on the ‘late night’
menu. What do you think that does to the self confidence of a lil
I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 24. Even then, it was difficult.
How can you accept someone else’s love when you don’t even love
yourself? I assumed every man just wanted maple syrup. I mean, who can
blame them? They’d binge on me and say it was my fault. “I couldn’t
control myself, it’s her fault for making me hungry and then leaving
me hanging.” The really crazy thing is I wanted them to have it, but I
just always felt like it was the only thing they wanted. No one ever
saw that my cheese got meltier than other sandwiches. Nope, they only
ever cared about the syrup.
A few years back something happened that put it all into perspective.
I was hanging out in the oven keeping nice and crisp until someone
ordered me and it was getting late, maybe 10:50. I wasn’t too worried,
there’s always a late rush. But this day? No man, not a customer in
the place. I started to really sweat as the minutes ticked by. I was
gonna get too hard to even eat soon, syrup pocket or not.
One of the staff people saved me, right at the last minute, too. I’ll
never forget it. Now I go on speaking tours to high schools. I tell
them life’s too short not to believe in yourself, that sort of thing.
I used to hide under my wrapper, now I flaut my my maple syrup pocket.
Sometimes it takes a tragedy to wake you up, you know? I’m just
thankful I could start really living before it was too late.